My Robot Brain Needs Beer! (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} timjr) wrote,@ 2008-04-24 09:27:00 |
|
[Amazingly, an Unlocked Post] A Straight Geek Male's Guide to Interaction with Females
With all the latest LJ hoopla over the "Open-Source Boob Project", and the issues therein, I have decided to write up a very simple guide as to what sort of boundaries a geek male has to maintain in person-to-person contact with the opposite sex.
Warning: Contained within will be a lot of geeky references. Mind you, if you need this guide, you probably will get most of them anyways. Please note, these are guides to casual interaction. The kind you get at conventions, basic social gatherings. This is not a 'pick-up chicks' guide. This is not a 'How you properly get your grope on' guide.
These steps are the beginning. You get to know a girl, you flirt, one thing may lead to another.
But that isn't the point here.
Author Disclaimer
Since I'm sure my own personal character will come under scrutiny here, I shall state these facts up front.
1. I'm 23, male, and live in DC
2. I've not had vaginal intercourse with a woman. But other stuff, yes, has occured.
3. I have, in fact, had a girlfriend. Two, actually. Yes, I am currently a single male.
4. I live with three females, two older than me, one 12 year old. I am related to none of them.
5. I consider myself a feminist. I believe in the equality between sexes.
And now, we present...
A Straight Geek Male's Guide to Interaction with Females
Here are the Basic Principles:
1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
2. Thou Shalt Keep Thy Hands to Thyself
3. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen.
4. Staring is Not Caring (a.k.a Her Eyes Really Are Up There)
5. No. Means. No.
6. The Three H's.
1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Do not stop at simply what Aretha Franklin defines as respect. This is the golden rule, the most important thing to remember. You need to respect a woman if you plan to interact with her socially. You don't have to like them, but you absolutely, positively have to respect them as a human being.
Women are not some 'strange foreign race' that you know nothing about. Yes, you will have difficulty understanding them because of eons of social and physiological differences between the genders. But the one thing you can, and have to understand is that a woman is, deep down, just like you. They have emotions, feelings, scars both mental and physical. They have a history.
So don't make assumptions. They are never 'asking for it'.
2. Thou Shalt Keep Thy Hands to Thyself
Due to recent events, this seems the second most important.
A woman's body is her sacred birthright. It is her property, it is she that makes the rules. You will not make her feel uncomfortable about it. You will not touch her unwantedly. You will respect her body and the fact that it just isn't yours to do with as you please. No matter what her 'body language' or 'manner of dress' says.
3. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen.
So what are you to do when you are with a woman?
Here's a shock, I'm sure... but you do the same things you do with your other friends. Talk. Share ideas. Discuss Firefly. Listen to what she has to say about the intrinsic themes of Logan's Run and its applications on Proust's theories on time.
Repeat, without the silly extras: Listen.
When you listen, you -
A) Learn about who they are.
B) Learn about what they like/don't like.
C) Show you respect them.
Do not simply wait for your turn to talk. You want to have a conversation. Conversations requires interaction. You can do it, boys. It's not that hard.
4. Staring is Not Caring (a.k.a Her Eyes Really Are Up There)
Remember, when talking, that you make eye contact. Yes, it is okay to steal a glance at her body. However, staring and leering lead to women being uncomfortable. If you make them uncomfortable, then you're a creep and a jerk. Don't do that.
Women are people, remember? They are not teats, ass, thighs, a bosom, or any other individual body part. Remember that. Respect that. Mind your manners.
5. No. Means. No.
If she ends a topic of discussion, it is over. If you reach over to touch her, even something as simple as a shoulder touch or a hug, and she recoils or says no... you stop.
If she says she doesn't want to talk to you, you stop and you leave her alone. Even if you think she's playing a 'no means yes' game, you treat no as no. Be up front about respecting that. Not as something to win brownie points, but as something to just be a good person.
And I cannot stress this enough: persistance is not a virtue. You will not 'wear someone down' to liking you or accepting you.
That's just a dumb thought.
6. The Three H's.
Humility
Humor
Hygiene
Remember, do not let yourself be an attention hog. Do not make it a bragging session. Talking is collaboration. You must let other people shine as well.
Remember, making people laugh helps them be more comfortable. Don't be a stand-up comedian, but jokes are a good thing. People laughing are people having fun. [Also, remember to gauge the laugh. There's a big difference between someone having fun and just trying to humor you in hopes you'll go away. Be observant, and don't force things]
Remember, showers, baths, deodorant, toothbrushes, combs, soap... these things are all your friends. Nobody wants to talk to the smelly guy with greasy hair and broccoli in their teeth.
In conclusion, all I really have to say is... be nice. It's nice to be nice to the nice, so people will treat you as you treat them. Yes, I know, women are daunting and can be intimidating... but relax and treat them well and you'll discover that they too are cool and interesting, far beyond merely being of opposite gender.
Go forth and communicate, my brothers.
Patch Notes:
There have been some minor edits (grammatical and spelling) made since original posting.
Also, I have actually removed a point from point 4, which was, sadly, still exploitative and wrong.
Point 6 had a note added about the difference between good and bad laughing.
Point 5 had a note added about not playing the 'no means yes' game.
With all the latest LJ hoopla over the "Open-Source Boob Project", and the issues therein, I have decided to write up a very simple guide as to what sort of boundaries a geek male has to maintain in person-to-person contact with the opposite sex.
Warning: Contained within will be a lot of geeky references. Mind you, if you need this guide, you probably will get most of them anyways. Please note, these are guides to casual interaction. The kind you get at conventions, basic social gatherings. This is not a 'pick-up chicks' guide. This is not a 'How you properly get your grope on' guide.
These steps are the beginning. You get to know a girl, you flirt, one thing may lead to another.
But that isn't the point here.
Author Disclaimer
Since I'm sure my own personal character will come under scrutiny here, I shall state these facts up front.
1. I'm 23, male, and live in DC
2. I've not had vaginal intercourse with a woman. But other stuff, yes, has occured.
3. I have, in fact, had a girlfriend. Two, actually. Yes, I am currently a single male.
4. I live with three females, two older than me, one 12 year old. I am related to none of them.
5. I consider myself a feminist. I believe in the equality between sexes.
And now, we present...
A Straight Geek Male's Guide to Interaction with Females
Here are the Basic Principles:
1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
2. Thou Shalt Keep Thy Hands to Thyself
3. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen.
4. Staring is Not Caring (a.k.a Her Eyes Really Are Up There)
5. No. Means. No.
6. The Three H's.
1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Do not stop at simply what Aretha Franklin defines as respect. This is the golden rule, the most important thing to remember. You need to respect a woman if you plan to interact with her socially. You don't have to like them, but you absolutely, positively have to respect them as a human being.
Women are not some 'strange foreign race' that you know nothing about. Yes, you will have difficulty understanding them because of eons of social and physiological differences between the genders. But the one thing you can, and have to understand is that a woman is, deep down, just like you. They have emotions, feelings, scars both mental and physical. They have a history.
So don't make assumptions. They are never 'asking for it'.
2. Thou Shalt Keep Thy Hands to Thyself
Due to recent events, this seems the second most important.
A woman's body is her sacred birthright. It is her property, it is she that makes the rules. You will not make her feel uncomfortable about it. You will not touch her unwantedly. You will respect her body and the fact that it just isn't yours to do with as you please. No matter what her 'body language' or 'manner of dress' says.
3. Stop, Collaborate, and Listen.
So what are you to do when you are with a woman?
Here's a shock, I'm sure... but you do the same things you do with your other friends. Talk. Share ideas. Discuss Firefly. Listen to what she has to say about the intrinsic themes of Logan's Run and its applications on Proust's theories on time.
Repeat, without the silly extras: Listen.
When you listen, you -
A) Learn about who they are.
B) Learn about what they like/don't like.
C) Show you respect them.
Do not simply wait for your turn to talk. You want to have a conversation. Conversations requires interaction. You can do it, boys. It's not that hard.
4. Staring is Not Caring (a.k.a Her Eyes Really Are Up There)
Remember, when talking, that you make eye contact. Yes, it is okay to steal a glance at her body. However, staring and leering lead to women being uncomfortable. If you make them uncomfortable, then you're a creep and a jerk. Don't do that.
Women are people, remember? They are not teats, ass, thighs, a bosom, or any other individual body part. Remember that. Respect that. Mind your manners.
5. No. Means. No.
If she ends a topic of discussion, it is over. If you reach over to touch her, even something as simple as a shoulder touch or a hug, and she recoils or says no... you stop.
If she says she doesn't want to talk to you, you stop and you leave her alone. Even if you think she's playing a 'no means yes' game, you treat no as no. Be up front about respecting that. Not as something to win brownie points, but as something to just be a good person.
And I cannot stress this enough: persistance is not a virtue. You will not 'wear someone down' to liking you or accepting you.
That's just a dumb thought.
6. The Three H's.
Humility
Humor
Hygiene
Remember, do not let yourself be an attention hog. Do not make it a bragging session. Talking is collaboration. You must let other people shine as well.
Remember, making people laugh helps them be more comfortable. Don't be a stand-up comedian, but jokes are a good thing. People laughing are people having fun. [Also, remember to gauge the laugh. There's a big difference between someone having fun and just trying to humor you in hopes you'll go away. Be observant, and don't force things]
Remember, showers, baths, deodorant, toothbrushes, combs, soap... these things are all your friends. Nobody wants to talk to the smelly guy with greasy hair and broccoli in their teeth.
In conclusion, all I really have to say is... be nice. It's nice to be nice to the nice, so people will treat you as you treat them. Yes, I know, women are daunting and can be intimidating... but relax and treat them well and you'll discover that they too are cool and interesting, far beyond merely being of opposite gender.
Go forth and communicate, my brothers.
Patch Notes:
There have been some minor edits (grammatical and spelling) made since original posting.
Also, I have actually removed a point from point 4, which was, sadly, still exploitative and wrong.
Point 6 had a note added about the difference between good and bad laughing.
Point 5 had a note added about not playing the 'no means yes' game.